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Paladin

If you do good deeds, if you hold the door for people, or if you drink bottled water, then you have an inner paladin. An inner paladin will push you to be lawful and good. My inner paladin encourages me to be kind to strangers and make friends with people. It is a little bit scary to meet new people, especially when there are so many personalities out there and you never know who is going to be offended by what. But my inner paladin says that if I am kind and courteous and remember peoples’ names then everything will be fine. So today I was at Peet’s coffee and I saw a dude that I know from Starbucks and I said hi to him and he is such a funny guy. He was asking about my science fiction story. But the thing is that he laughs a lot so it is never a dull moment. And he was with his friend who I barely know and when I said hi to him, he was like, “Who’s this guy?” And me and the other dude thought that was really funny. And then the other dude was asking about my dog and he said, “Forget your dog! I’ve got a business proposition for you!” And I was sipping my latte, which I wasn’t sure was a good idea because I’m trying to cut back on dairy products but hey, just one won’t hurt right? So I told him I was all ears and he said, “I’m talking about a ‘Hot Dog on A Stick’ in Corona del Mar!”

I thought the idea was cool and funny at the same time. But then I said to the other dude, “Hey didn’t Hot Dog on a Stick go out of business in Fashion Island.” And he said, “Yeah man, I don’t know if that’s the best idea.” And I said, “I think it went the way of Sbarro and friends.”

Then I tossed out the idea of a Tanning Salon for Dogs. But that didn’t make a whole lot of sense because dogs have fur. So who is going to see the tan anyway, right? Kind of a waste of money.

Overall, the conversation we had was a lot of fun and I am glad that I took the time to talk to those guys. I always see them around town and they are cool dudes. But if I didn’t follow my inner paladin and be friendly to those dudes then I probably would have missed out on a lot of laughs.

Today when I went grocery shopping at Gelsons. I noticed a couple things. First, Gelson’s does some serious subliminal mind control pricing. Don’t believe me? Go in Gelson’s in East Bluff and take a look at the prices they have for their items. You won’t believe this but every 3rd or 4th item you find in the store is priced, “$3.99!” Everywhere I went, if I wanted a smoothie drink, it was $3.99. If I was looking for some Ivory Soap, it was $3.99. This obviously is part of some kind of conspiracy. They want to be like, “Oh! It’s only $3.99, I can afford that!” But then after you fill your shopping cart full of items that cost $3.99 then you will realize that you just spent your car payment at Gelson’s.

So I was in the soup isle looking for chicken bullion and then I found it. But there was a man who was searching around in the isle in that area and he was taking forever. And since I have better things to do than hang out at Gelson’s my inner paladin instructed me to say, “Hi, do you mind if I squeeze by there and grab some Chicken Bullion?” And the man briefly turned to me and watched me take a few jars of Chicken Bullion off the shelf. And then for some reason he picked one of the bullion jars up and in a gruff voice he said, “What’s so good about this stuff?” And I casually replied that it supposedly tastes better than the Knorr versions. And while I was walking away he said, “Hey! This stuff has got 300 milligrams of sodium!” And I tried not to laugh and said, “Yeah, that’s a real problem. You gotta watch out for that.”

What a funny couple of days.

-Tyler

Disembodied Head

I used to have this strange recurring nightmare of a bearded man. But the bearded man was actually a severed head. Let me start at the beginning. I was very young, maybe seven years old. And in the nightmare I was holding my mother’s hand as we walked down a long corridor. She was very quiet and we walked at a steady pace. Then we entered a wooden room. There was a small table with a bearded severed head. And there was a man standing near the table with the head. My mother directed me closer to the disembodied head. Suddenly, the beaded head turned and opened its eyes wide. It stared at me. I gasped. Then my mother put her hand on my shoulder and knelt down and spoke to me. “Do not be afraid,” she said, “You need to listen to what they have to say.” I remember the man standing by the head was watching me closely, yet his face seemed distant and I couldn’t recognize him. Yet at the same time he seemed very familiar. For some reason, I trusted the man so I then looked into the eyes of the bearded disembodied head. It stared deeply into me. I was frozen by its gaze. Then, in a deranged and strange voice, the head spoke one word. I woke up a moment later, disturbed and afraid. Yet I was glad that it was just a dream.

A few years later I had the nightmare again. But this time my mother wasn’t there are I spoke to the tall man. I was about fifteen at the time. And the tall man looked more familiar than ever. I remember talking with him about life and challenges that I am going to face. I can’t remember exactly what we talked about. But there was this distinct feel to the conversation, almost like I could trust this man with my life. There was a sadness in his voice, and yet hopefulness. It was as if he was preparing me for something. I listened attentively. All the while, the dismembered head stayed silent. Yet I was not as afraid of the bearded head. When I awoke, I felt as if I had gained something very valuable. What it was I truly did not know.

Many years later, when I was in my late 20’s, I had the nightmare again. Only this time, I spoke with the bearded dismembered head. We talked about urgency, and how there are objectives to be met. And there is little time. He was angry. It didn’t seem like he was angry at me. But more like he was angry at me AND himself. He knew of the future. He knew the flow of time. After I woke up, I felt like I had spoken to some strange elder entity or oracle. I had renewed vigor.

Then a few years later when I was in my late 20’s I grew a thick beard. One day I was looking in the mirror and I saw myself. I looked familiar, as always. But I felt like I had seen this face before, decades ago. I walked away and I realized that the disembodied bearded head from my nightmares had been my own. I took a few moments to reflect on my life. Did I have regrets? Sure. But I learned from every situation. Sometimes, I learned more than other times. Yet there were specific times in my life when I felt like I was getting a message, or at least a strong emotion, telling me about things to come…or perhaps opportunities ahead. Alignment with this potential often caused me either invigoration and a sense of purpose, or else a deep sense of unworthiness and trepidation.

The time that had passed went by so fast in hindsight. Yet the individual moments took an eternity. Perhaps there is more to memory than simple knowing or existing. So that night, when I rested in bed. I closed my eyes. And I relaxed, sending a message to my younger self in my dreams.

-Tyler

Scary Hallway

Since it is October, the spookiest month of all, here is a Spooky Ghost Experience. It was 1990. It was a dark night in rural Illinois. I sat up in my bed and I had this strange feeling that someone was in the house. Someone was there who wasn’t part of my family. So I slowly walked out of bed and entered the hallway. The air was stale and cold. It must have been winter-time. Then I felt a strange sensation through my body. It was as if I did something that was in violation of an unwritten law. The feeling was like I was in the presence of something that I was not supposed to be aware of. Then when I looked down the hallway, I saw a shadowy figure walking slowly. It had the body shape of a man, but it was pure darkness. I didn’t believe my eyes at first. So I looked closer. And it felt like I was gazing into an abyss. I remember the shadow figure had a completely different body type than my brother or father. I can’t remember if it was walking toward me or away from me. But it was moving very slowly. After seeing the shadow figure I quickly and quietly went back into my room and shut the door. I didn’t want it to come inside my room. And I tried to sleep, knowing I wasn’t alone.

That was a long time ago. And it happened late at night.

I’ll tell more spooky things as this hallowed month progresses!

-Tyler

Hummingbird

I had a friendly encounter with a hummingbird while I was reading today. While minding my own business, reading a book, a hummingbird buzzed by my ear. I was startled by the loud sound of the hummingbird and so I looked up. The hummingbird was brown with a black head, and it had a red neck. It was a very beautiful hummingbird and it rested on a small branch across from the table. I looked at the bird and smiled. Then it started to sing. It had a raspy little voice, and it was very loud for how small it was. I imagined that is was saying, “Don’t mind me! I’m just enjoying the day. Go ahead and read your book!” Then when I would get back into my book, the hummingbird would buzz past my ear. The hummingbird was so fast that it got a drink of hummingbird food, then disappeared. And a second later it was back on its branch again.

It was fun watching the hummingbird slurp the sugar-water. It is so amazing how they are able to perfectly hover in order to drink. If you watch the cool hummingbird video below, you can see how the hummingbirds use a strange figure eight movement to their wings. This special way of beating their wings give the birds their special hovering ability. If you want to learn more about how hummingbirds do their magic, then click on THIS LINK.

-Tyler