Could the corporeal self be an interference pattern for consciousness to flow into?
When I woke up today, I laughed. The mirror helped me realize that I’m not the same person one day to the next. Let me explain…
My body seems more like a vessel or interference pattern than a self. When I awaken from my temporary torpor, I adjust to my life in a similar way to how someone puts on a comfortable jacket. I see my room, remember that I’m no longer dreaming, and then proceed with my day.
The computer, the carpet, the slight hum of my lamp…they all seem to set the stage. And once I look into the mirror, I see the host for the performance. But the person within the body does indeed feel different from day to day. It’s as if my body has a memory and the consciousness that enters the body has a memory.
So instead of trying to make today the “be all and end all” of days. I tend to make little changes, tiny progress, manageable advancements…these adjustments lend themselves to creating something. But what’s interesting is that the cultivation process makes the decisions during the day more vivid and manageable. It’s as if one can highlight one’s own behavior and instantly determine whether or not that behavior was helping the process. But what truly is the processes goal?
At this point, the goal seems to let whatever is affected by the interference pattern or body to stay longer, and fill up. I guess in the end it all has to do with energy. Can one hold onto energy and then convert it…into something useful? I feel that right now I’m still trying to use the energy which is gained from cultivation for the purpose of becoming better at cultivation. If this sounds circular that’s because it is. I’m a complete novice when it comes to Biology, but for some reason the term, “Krebs Cycle” keeps popping into mind.
This may sound completely mundane, but recycling my old-broken computer had a tremendous affect on the whole process lately. A single eye-sore that’s been with me every day was removed and it feels like it’s an interior decoration blockage which has been removed.
I can say with absolute certainty that this experiment is turning into a success. At first these posts were like a diary of roadblocks which were keeping me honest with my own set of rules. Now the posts themselves are more like a living journal and barometer for the effectiveness of MECE in general. And like any good barometer, this one has metrics.
Early on, I stated how I wanted to learn computer programming and this process has directly helped me do that. I can’t say if it would work for anyone else and I don’t even recommend anyone following anyone else’s process anyway. Life is about figuring things out for yourself. It’s one thing to take information from others and use it at your own pace to make educated decisions…but following someone else’s guide for anything to the letter is usually a thirty-minute recipe for disaster.
But it is abundantly clear that I’ve redirected my energy at least somewhat efficiently into learning action-script. Books on programming action-script for games used to be completely daunting and mentally drain me after just a few minutes of reading. Now I’m over half-way done with my actionscript book. It’s blowing my mind to think I’ll be able to make games with moving, object oriented graphics soon.
Looking back on things, I can say that a couple years ago I felt that I was running behind on my life. I felt like I had ran out of time to make something of myself. It was as if the younger, hopeful person of my teenage years was disappointed with the man I’ve become. And that kind of feeling wasn’t good…it actually felt like trash.
But now I feel like I’m actually, exactly back on track with where I thought I’d be around my age. It’s hilarious actually. The thought that life can take such a ridiculous set of detours…just to get back on the cobblestone road in the nick of time to rejoin the race.
The consciousness I discussed earlier feels like water, or a river. It has no time, no beginning or end. My body, my life, even my knowledge and skills seem like a river-bed which is crafted. All I have time to do is add or subtract the occasional rounded rock from the cobblestone road of a river bed. But the water is flowing freer now, and although I don’t know if I’m the river or the riverbed…I don’t need to know. Because I love the sound of moving water, and the occasional waves.
-Tyler