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friday night vision

I can see in the dark…not because I’m an elf or nothing. It’s because I finally got my new computer. I had to save up for a long time. But it is here. And it has lights on it. Red lights. There is an off-switch that makes them turn off and on.

I’ve been able to transfer all my data to this new computer. It took a long time. Good thing I was using USB 3.0 external hard drive. It seriously would have taken a whole day if my comp + ex hd weren’t 3.0.

My dog is getting bored with me. She is having a lot of personality lately…dancing about and everything. At the park she knew I was talking about her to a friend and she started dancing upside-down on the grass. Sassy dog dancer.

I haven’t felt this good in a while. About 15 minutes ago, I ate approximately one half on an entire large watermelon in one sitting. (Actually it was a standing cuz I ate it over the sink) Now I feel super full.

Going to the gym lately has been so fun. It’s all about the assisted dips and the assisted pull ups lately. The thing I didn’t realize with the pull ups is that starting with wide grip then doing as many as I can and moving on to mid and V-close grip really makes a difference.

Finishing reading, “The Tao of Physics” was a seriously good feeling. Not because I was glad it was over…but because it felt like finishing a large and yet perfect meal. The kind that would leave excellent tasting leftovers, but you don’t risk it and eat it all.

The funny thing is that I have this friend that I had a feeling that he read it. And I said, “I bet you’ve already read this.” And he said he did a long time ago. So funny.

Night Vision. It’s so weird not having the looming minor dreads of daily life as much anymore. Tasks seem realistic and manageable. Talking to people is great. These are good times.

Now that I’m done with, “The Tao of Physics” I learned that I had some serious assumptions about how particles and waves work. Also there were misconceptions on subatomic particles as well. The whole bootstrapping concept was extremely enjoyable.

So, my next book is another Wadell one. It is beyond phenomenal so far. Just the preface alone got my feet tingling. Now I can see why Daniel Jackson go so intrigued with archaeology. Pieces just slide together, and other times they are too damaged to fit anywhere nicely. But by learning more, the other pieces can eventually form the correct spot. And sometimes the puzzle reveals itself to be a false puzzle entirely, and it intersects with other, more true puzzles. And they do this like several two dimensional planes connecting to each other in three dimensional space, only separated by a slight variance in angles.

It’s approaching midnight.

-Tyler

Compassion is a good word. There are many dimensions to it. The obvious one would be feeling sorry for someone when they are not doing well. This could be due to illness or stress. But I’ve found a form of compassion in everyday life that has serious benefits. And that would be feeling good for people when things are going well for them. This is may seem completely obvious on paper. But in practice and when practiced in honesty it is a beautiful thing.

It feels like the opposite of jealousy, the opposite of coveting. It is the opposite of the feeling of being left behind.

When I lived in San Francisco, I remember a time when I was cultivating energy and was just blundering into it headfirst. As a person who prefers to understand things through experience, this felt like the only way at the time. There was a distinct conversation that I had with a close friend. I said something like, “The girls around here are getting too beautiful. I want to go away, somewhere secluded. I need time.”

I would see couples and have confused emotions. On one hand I would miss companionship. And on the other hand I had a distorted sense of self and attachment. The whole external-internal world resembled a Sloppy Joe sandwich instead of an orange. As barriers that once acted as pillars of support eroded away, I was faced with the notion of having to repair a cracked and unfinished foundation.

Over time, I’ve found that I was creating my timeline. The stress was coming from my own fear of time itself. Hours in the day, days in the week, years in a life. This type of time has little value and is for machines. When we do work, we are imitating machines. That is a good thing. But to set life goals to this type of time means that I was accepting a system that I didn’t even understand. This is similar to handing over an existence to a set of rules, just for the sake of not wanting the responsibility of actually owning the existence. Because if you don’t own your own existence, then somebody else does.

So when I see beautiful women now. I feel good for them. There’s some admiration and a little sizzle, but the coveting just seems ridiculous. This is even if they are wearing sweaters or something sexy. It doesn’t really matter.

The same works for couples. There is a feeling of almost relief and gladness. By people finding happiness and adding to the cycle of life, we all benefit. This is a good thing.

So where is the compassion? Well, first the compassion had small roots in the self. I had to feel good for my own small steps in life. Letting little victories seem like benchmarks toward a great goal set the framework for actual goals that I did not even originally envision. This was self compassion.

And in engaging in this form of compassion, I was and do feel good for others when they are feeling good. It is a way of amplifying and multiplying what is already there…What should be there, and what always be there.

-Tyler