Hot Dog Regret
I’m not going to disclose the hot dog manufacturer who produced these monstrosities. This is because overidon.com is not a website about negativity. But this story must be told. Today I was on my way to the gym and my mom got home from Yoga. I told her I was going to leave and she begged me to cook her some hot dogs. Since, I was on my way to the gym and hadn’t had lunch yet, I decided that I would eat a couple hot dogs myself as well. I started up the grill and opened the package. “OH COOL! 2X sized hot dogs, these are going to taste great. And they are supposed to be extra high quality. Maybe these will actually have some meat from a mammal in them!” I put the jumbo hot dogs on the grill. The large plastic package could only hold four of the hot dogs and I didn’t want to put a lone hot dog in the freezer because I knew I’d eat two of them and my mom would have at least one.
After thoroughly cooking the hot dogs I summoned my mom and told her that the dogs were ready to be eaten. We both ate a dog and then I went to eat a second hot dog. Everything was fine at first but then I realized that I wasn’t feeling too good. What was the problem? I’m a 31 year old man who works out every other day and has a very fast metabolism. I’ve been eating hamburgers and other food in large quantities in order to keep up with my internal stomo-furnace and I thought hot dogs might add some extra nitrogen to the flame. Nitro makes cars go fast so why not me?
Well, after a few minutes from the 2nd jumbo dog, I started feeling really bad. Not bad enough that I thought I was going to get sick, but I felt that I needed to go to the gym IMMEDIATELY and try and get this stuff either integrated into my body or sweated out pronto. Then my mom asked me if I would go on a run to the pharmacy to pick up some heartburn medicine. This afternoon was heading downhill…fast.
I then took the hot dog plastic packaging from the trash and looked at the nutritional information. It said that the suggested serving size was ONE hot dog only. And I ate two. I was worried. Then I read the fine print. It said that each single jumbo hot dog was 44% of the day’s suggested sodium content! This meant that in literally 15 minutes I ate 88% of my total sodium intake. No wonder I felt horrible. I knew hot dogs were salty critters but nearly half of one’s sodium intake in a single dog, not counting the bun?
When I was on my way to the gym, I usually grab a cup of tea from Starbucks and chat with the baristas for a couple minutes. This way I can walk to the gym and have something warm to drink on the way there. I was talking about the salt content of the hot dogs with the barristas and I said I felt like I was having a salt overload. And he said that I was going to turn into a pillar of salt with all the sodium decadence. If Gomorrah was hot dog land then I’m in big trouble.
At the gym, I began my workout on the StairMaster. In just 10 minutes of level 7 step workout I seriously was 80% more drenched in sweat than normal. I could have opened my own Gatorade store with all the electrolytes my pores were excreting. I was afraid to do my normal heavy sit-up regiment because I didn’t want to barf.
When I was discussing the situation with the girl at the reception desk at the gym, I told her that I was going to tell my mom, “We are not doing this again.” It was as if I was giving myself my own hot dog intervention. This is serious.
-Tyler