I would tell you I love you
I would tell you I love you,
But to do that would take words,
How can words tear apart a galaxy?
And pull planets and the Orion belt closer…
Because like a hole in space, I am drawn to thee,
Not yearning for release or to be set free,
But to exist without bliss or desire for empathy.
Because to know bliss would mean to feel something different from now.
And now is all I have.
Because now is all I am,
And ever will be.
For I have never truly been,
Except for this moment.
And maybe this one.
For if time can betray my trust,
Then I have no need for it.
And I will destroy time.
For you.
Because I will never lie to thee,
And undertake an impossible quest.
For there is no greater fool’s errand,
Than for me to describe the force you wield,
Because if one touch can create lifetimes,
Then only a madman would not stop and bask in the sheer silent joy,
The kind of turbulence that makes angels second-guess their wings.
So maybe I will tell you I love you,
Because to stay silent could cause the cosmos to shudder,
And look back upon itself.
And not see itself,
But something new.
Something that could never have existed before.
And I fear that if the cosmos could know what I now know,
Then not even would emptiness be safe,
Not even would truth feel comfortable,
Not even would vulnerability know connection.
So yes!
I will tell you I love you,
Not for your sake,
And definitely not for mine,
But for Andromeda, and Ursa Major,
And Cerberus, and Cassiopeia,
Because without them,
Even the most adept travelers may lose their way,
And that I cannot do,
For my love was never meant to harm a single soul.
And alas,
It already has.
Because as I speak, my heart aches,
Not from wound or ailment,
But from the weight of a million moons,
Begging for a world like mine,
That holds an endless spirit like you.
-Tyler Stansfield Jaggers
-December 1st, 2010