desk at night
I’ve been waiting all day for the darkness to come. There is exactly one hour and fifty-three minutes until midnight. The mind can work during the day. Yes. But at night, my acupuncture specialist once said, that the sounds of the Earth slow down. The creatures become more quiet. Today was a very spiritual day for me and I’ve felt very exposed and vulnerable. But that’s all a part of living in the real world. That’s what masks are for. Yet today I didn’t feel like wearing all my masks. And the one I was wearing was very crooked. Perhaps the strap in the back was loose. I realized this most clearly when I heard myself laugh. It was a very real laugh. One that started in the heart chakra area and had both bass and high register sounds. I was talking about how I was really into sound and someone from our writer’s group said, “Brown Notes?” I could have controlled my laughter, but I would have died a little inside. So I just went with it.
An hour and forty-four minutes until midnight. I’m deleting a lot more text from this post than I usually do. A stream of consciousness diverted into a koi pond. It’s interesting that when one analyzes and ponders upon one’s own life, they call it “self reflection.” I’m not completely sure if I trust reflections. There are a lot of judgments and baggage that go along with them. I get a more honest evaluation when my dog licks my face.
I was slightly more in tune with the vibes of other people today. What’s weird is that the only thing that I can think of that is out of the ordinary is that I didn’t shave today. But I rarely shave every day, so that can’t be it. Maybe it is that I was listening a bit more to clerks and cashiers. There are conversations people have with friends and family. And then there’s what you say when you want something from a clerk. But today was a little mixed up.
The cashier at the Subaru service area, said, “Seventy-Nine dollars.” And I thought to myself, “This guy might not be having the best day.” So I handed him my debit card and said, “Here’s my credit card.” And then we exchanged a few more words. I can’t remember what they were. But the clerk scoffed. It was more like a mix between an honest friendly laugh and a scoff.
One hour and seventeen minutes until midnight. Have you ever heard someone say that people are generally really dumb? I’ve heard it a bunch of times throughout my life, and I think that those people who say that, and myself must have encountered very different people. Because I think people in general are extremely smart. Things are getting serious. I’m noticing people on Facebook who used to post status updates about silly or random stuff are now sharing information and glimpses of wisdom. Others are passing around current and important news or subtle realizations about trends and patterns. This doesn’t feel cyclical, it feels cumulative.
Never use a blog as a substitute for a journal. The temptation of the backspace key is too strong. Use a journal as well. Show it to no one except yourself. And even do that rarely.
A few months ago I got into a conversation with a guy at Jack in the Box. He asked me what I was doing and I told him what I was thinking about and writing about. He then said that thinking about the Universe was not a good use of my time. He said that in Africa there are hungry people. So we talked more and I decided to listen for a bit instead of spout my ideas. And he ended up saying something like this: What if there is a future Einstien in Africa but he just needs food and clothes? And he continued on this train of thought for a few minutes. And then after a bit I asked him, “So should we focus on feeding everyone in Africa?” And then he said, “No.” HAHA.
I remember my first journal. It was a really cool Keith Haring journal that I purchased from my job at the time in 1996 at The Museum Company. I liked it because it was hardcover and the pages inside were good paper quality and they had lines. I wanted my journal to be easy for me to read at a later date. I had sketchbooks given to me before by my parents when I was younger. But I never had a journal. Journals are for recording thoughts and ideas. The cool thing about a journal is that you can use it as a diary or a sketchbook or just vent. There really are no rules. But writing in a journal means that at least one person in the universe thinks that the information contained within it actually has some sort of value. That is why if anyone ever purchases or creates a journal for you then you should take it as a serious compliment. Because if you end up using it and write in it often…Then that means at least two people in the universe think that your information or ideas have value. And that is the beginning of a very special journey.
Forty-one minutes until midnight. I am about to embark on a journey of sorts. At midnight tonight I am going to pay a little more heed to Astronomy and Astrology and the like.
I remember living in rural Illinois as a very young person. I would walk to my friends’ houses. The walks would usually take 45 minutes or more. And I would always walk in between the edges of property lines. That way I was never trespassing. It was always so obvious. One piece of property to the next had a different pattern to the lawn-mowed grass. And quite often a thin patch of tall reeds or cat-of-nine tails would separate the two plots of land. The walk was my introduction to meditation. Meditation through movement.
An hour ago I saw a girl with the headline: “Enlighten Me” on plentyoffish. I’m pretty sure she just missed the entire point.
Twenty-four minutes until midnight. I just looked up “wisdom” on Dictionary.com. That’s a cool word. I was surprised by how the website says, “Knowledge of what is true or right…” That was interesting to me because I never thought of wisdom needing to be that specific. I always thought of wisdom simply as the mixture of knowledge and experience. So that could also include knowledge of falsehoods and absurdities.
-Tyler