Today was a good day. I think I’m coming closer to figuring out why figuring out life is no longer necessary. I had my Math Class tonight, and it felt good to learn Math. I could feel the brain moving in different directions…neurons firing in patters that are new. Or maybe the patterns were really old. Borrowed patterns. The homework wasn’t collected. My teacher said that today’s homework will never be collected. But I felt good instead of cheated. I felt like I learned something by doing it. OH RIGHT. This reminds me about what I was thinking about last night. It had to do with Buddhism. I intuitively sense that Buddha is guiding me on a path out of the burning building. It’s almost like he’s tricking me out of the burning building. But now that I’ve read the Lotus Sutra and I’ve let it sink in for a couple years. I can actually see the trick. And I like that Buddha devised an Expedient Device for getting me out of the burning building. But now that I’m watching myself exit the building, I can see that the doorway and the patio and the courtyard are all illusions. And what’s really happening is that I am entering a new building. But this time the fire is different, the situation has changed. At this moment I am taking a special time to thank all the teachers in my life who have been, currently are, or ever will be. I see now that every second has wisdom, just a small voice. There’s something to be said about not giving up. I think that is key. But also choosing your battles as well. When I think about who I really am, I often see myself in the mirror, checking to see how yellow my teeth have become from all the Venti Latte’s that I drink. Wanting to have discipline. My true self is pretty rough. Not very polished yet. You can’t bluff Math class. That’s why I like it. I have to do the work and if I get the concepts, then I get an A-ha moment. But without the work there is limited wisdom. By doing the studying, I was completing a vow I made to myself. And by completing the vow to learn the Math. I feel good. Forming habits out of vows are just as important as breaking habits of mistake laden practices. It’s all about choosing what kind of zone you want to live and experience life in. Your mind creates the zone but there is some lag, some delay. When I change my mind to do something, my body has to catch up and that can be chemically and emotionally challenging to make the change in the mind stick because the body wants other things.
Oops. I guess it’s Thursday now. Didn’t realize how late it was.
-Tyler